Diyana [episod 4]

Ahad, 19 Julai 2015, 10.34 pm

"From time to time, Cikgu akan tanya saya dengan awak macam mana".
"Dia mengharap sangat saya jadi anak saudara dia".

"Ahahahaaa...tapi awak tak sudi pun".

"Macam tak sampai hati nak kecewakan dia".
"But this is my life kot".
"Part kahwin ni memang tak dapatlah".

"Betullah tu".
"Life awak, awak je boleh direct ke mana".
"At least kalau satu hari nanti ada yang tak kena, takdelah nak salahkan orang lain".

"Perasaan saya tak boleh dipaksa atau dipupuk. People can wish but it's all up to me to decide".
"If I say no, then it's forever no".
"Good luck trying".

"Krik krik".
"Ada suggestion nak try macam mana?".
"Kahkahkah".

"Give up lah. You're not getting a yes from me. Don't waste your time hoping and praying".
"Nope".
"Just give up".
"Saya tak suka benda yang senang. You didn't challenge me. Not even complicated. With you, it's too easy".

"Well said, man. Well said".
"It's too easy, sebab memang saya yang tengok awak".

"Saya lebih suka perempuan yang buat saya struggle for months untuk ngorat dia, yang buat saya kecewa for rejections over again. That's more satisfying".

"Hah. And then you said you give up on this muchy lovey dovey thingy sebab kena betrayed banyak kali blablabla...".

Babi. Ni nak kenakan aku balik ni. Kau pulang paku buah keras ya? Kau sabar jap. Aku nak cari paku titanium.

"Yeap".
"Even myself is complicated enough. Then how can I fall for something too easy?".

"Kalau saya cakap, saya lebih suka lelaki yang buat saya struggle for months dan kecewa for rejections over again. What would you say?".

Eh...aku belum sempat membalas, dia dah bagi lagi soalan padu.

"Three words: up to you".
"Nak makan".

"Sure you do".
"By the way, saya cancel nak join catering. Tau awak mesti tak selesa".

"Saya ok je".

"Tapi malam tadi Cik Ayu dengan Najmi cari orang sana sini tak dapat".
"Tu yang saya join jugak".

"Saya ok je kalau awak follow pun. Lagi senang dorang nak stop membahan bila tengok tak jadi apa-apa".

"Amr, yang 20 lebih ex awak dulu semua tu. Awak struggle for months untuk dapatkan dorang ke?".

"The hardest struggle dengan 2 orang x 2 tahun punya efforts. Total 4 years wasted. End up dengan rejection yang sangat kejam".

"So, your rejection just now, kategori rejection yang macam mana?".
"Mild?".

"Still paling baik".
"Soft".

"So, yang 2 orang, total 4 years wasted tu dah kahwin dan ada anak?".
"So, hari tu masa mak awak sakit, baru kena reject jugak?".
"Berapa tahun punya efforts yang tu?".

Eh...perempuan ni. Sekali tembak 3 soalan. Bagi 1, 1 tak boleh ke? Kelam-kabut aku nak menjawab.

"Sorang kahwin dengan kawan saya. Anak sorangg kot. Lagi sorang tak tau apa cerita".

"I don't know. Miss Q? Maybe?".

"Oh...itu kena friendzone. Dia nak kawan je. Belum fikir pasal kahwin. Suka kat dia since tahun lepas but only this year contact dia".

"So, sekarang awak tengah makan hati kejar dia?".

"Tak pun".
"Saya dah malas nak kejar. Too old for all this games".

"Pusing la, Amr. Awak cakap berbelit. Rebel tak cakap berbelit".
"Too old for all this game. Then you wait for what?".

Aku cuma takde perasaan kat kau. Faham tak ni?

"Don't do that".

"Trying too understand here. Whether I really got 0.0 chance atau it's just you nak challenge the world".
"Cross the line too much, I guess".

"Don't cross the line".
"You should know your limits".

"What is your limit? People not allow to push hard on you".

"Nope".

"Atau persoalkan pendirian awak?".

"People not allowed to sekolahkan saya tanpa minta izin saya dulu".
"And you were trying to do that".
"And now you will not be given the permission".

"That was a question, Amr".

"You're heading that way".
"I can see that".

"Sheeshhh...too many questions but can't put it into words".

"Keep it to yourself".
"Go write a novel or poems or anything with those words".

"Nahhh...not a writer. Nor a poet. Takde orang baca pun nanti".

"You wouldn't know".

"Dah pernah buat. Kat blog. No readers. Not even blogwalker".

"Write, but don't expect anyone to read. Write, because you love to write, not to impress others. Niat awak dah salah".

"Tak tau pun niat asal menulis dulu".
"Fun. Atau trend. Entah".
"Amr. Kalau I just keep contacting you. Macam mana?
"Or you prefer to end it here".

"Boleh je. But please, jangan everyday atau awak akan ingat saya dah ignore awak".
"Kalau saya ada girlfriend, I'll let you know and I won't text you anymore".

"Fair enough. It's just I don't know how to let go things. So, it will take time".
"Not even sure kalau saya boleh let go".

"You'll figure that out soon".
"I'm exhausted. Long day today. Lepas Isyak tadi pergi bincang dengan customer kat Bukit Kangkar. Penat, mengantuk, sakit kaki. Gotta sleep. Good night".

"You missed out sakit hati".
"Good night".

"Tak sakit hati pun".

"Jangan ulang-alik jalan dalam hujan. Tapi kalau nak terjalan jugak, nasiblah. My feelings. Not yours. Saya boleh rasa apa yang saya nak".

"Go sleep lah, Yana. Or else I have a very long entry to write for my blog tomorrow".
"Nite".

"Fine".